Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
