he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
