i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
