ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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