You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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