Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
