he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
