You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
