false alarm. still invincible.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
