Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
