I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
