It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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