...so i touched it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
