i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How does it feel to date your dad?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
