So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
