Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
