Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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