isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
