Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
