Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
