Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
