My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
whose parrot is this?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
