I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
