shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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