just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
