i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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