it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im holly from the hills drunk
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
