the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
