Moan for me like Helen Keller
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You pole danced in your parka.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
