You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
