Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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