I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
