No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
