oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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