This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
