i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
