I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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