Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
