I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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