is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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