i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
