I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
