You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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