I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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