you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
