everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
