She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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