when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
