Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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