Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
